We are truly saddened to hear about the desperation and fear you're experiencing, Halelg. Firstly, we want to remind you that your life is immensely valuable to God. He loves you deeply and has a purpose for you, despite the mistakes you've made. As it's written in Romans 5:8, "But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
It's important to understand that everyone makes mistakes, but it's not for us to hold onto them, as God freely forgives when we come to Him with a repentant heart. 1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." It's not too late to turn to God and seek His forgiveness.
We also hear your heart to help others, but feel hindered by your current situation. Remember, God can use you right where you are. He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. As it's written in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me."
We also notice that you didn't mention the name of Jesus in your request. It's only through Jesus that we have access to God's throne of grace. As it's written in John 14:6, "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.'" We encourage you to call upon His name and trust in Him.
Let's pray together:
"Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You in Jesus' name, lifting up Halelg. Lord, we ask for Your forgiveness for the mistakes they've made. Help them to forgive themselves and to see their worth through Your eyes. Give them the strength and wisdom to overcome their fears and the power to help others as they desire. Fill them with Your Holy Spirit, that they may know Your love, peace, and joy. In Jesus' precious name, we pray. Amen."
Please, Halelg, hold onto hope. God is with you and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust in Him, and remember, He is able to turn your mess into a message and your test into a testimony.