Finding the Right Sex Resource (+ Announcing My Next Book)

When I first began blogging (way back in 2009), only a few Christian books about sex were available. You might find on the shelves of your local Christian bookstore such offerings as The Act of Marriage by Tim & Beverly Lahaye, Intended for Pleasure by Ed & Gaye Wheat, Sheet Music by Kevin Leman, and The Gift of Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner. There were a few others, but not many. And Christian publishers resisted using terms like “vagina” and “penis,” concerned that such direct talk would put off sensitive customers. (Perhaps they should have re-read their oh-so-frank Bibles, but I digress.)

I read all of those books years back, within a short time, and checked out as many other resources as I could find … and still discovered a lot of open space and opportunity to share biblical and practical advice for better sex in marriage.

Nowadays, the problem isn’t a lack of Christian books about sex, but a lack of time to read them all and deciding which ones to prioritize. I currently have 10 books about sex in my To Be Read pile. And since I tend to flip-flop between fiction and nonfiction, it will take me a while to get through them! Maybe you’re facing a similar issue: wanting good resources about sex but needing to figure out which ones are worth your time.

Which Books to Read​

How can you discern which sex/marriage books are right for you? My to-read list could easily be 30 books long instead of 10, but I pick and choose before I begin reading which ones I want to spend time on. You can do the same.

First, consider your needs.​

What aspect of your marital intimacy needs attention? If you’re in a season of sexual betrayal, a book about how to spice things up will not address your issues. But maybe your sex life is going good but not great, and you could use that sex tip book.

Maybe you’re facing issues of aging, and a sex book about lovemaking in your golden years could be useful (e.g., A Celebration of Sex After 50 by Douglas Rosenau). Maybe you’re just starting out and need some newlywed advice (Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start by Cliff & Joyce Penner, Lovemaking by Dan & Linda Wilson). Or maybe you have bigger issues and need resources about sexual brokenness (Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery, Sexpectations by Dr. Carol Tanksley).

When I’m asked which of my books someone should buy, I describe what they each are and ask which one might speak to their particular issue. And if none of them speaks to what they’re going through, I happily recommend another resource. Maybe someday one of my books will serve that spouse, but their immediate needs should steer what book they pick up today.

Second, learn something about the authors.​

Start with finding out why they wrote a book about sex. Those who write books about sex do so for one or more reasons:

1. They have credentials in the area (doctor, marriage counselor, sex therapist, etc.) and possess useful information through training and experience that they can share with others.
2. They have a personal testimony about how they learned God’s design for sex, began to live it out, and experienced improved pleasure and intimacy.
3. They became intrigued by the topic, engaged in deep, personal study, and now want to share what they’ve learned with others who could benefit.
4. They have strong opinions about how sex should be happening in marriage and feel others need to hear their message.
5. They see that books on sex sell well, and they figure why not.

With the exception of that last reason, I could name excellent books on sex primarily motivated by any of the other four reasons. But knowing the reason the author penned the book can help you identify whether their insight will be useful for you and what angle they’re writing from.

In my case, I do a ton of research to make sure my advice is as accurate as I can make it, but I constantly let y’all know that I’m not a doctor, a licensed therapist, or a trauma-trained counselor. If you want those expert opinions, I’m not your best resource.

Also, if someone’s ministry focuses on a strong message that they feel needs to be said, they may see many issues through that lens. They may not cover scenarios outside their purview. Sometimes, that’s great, because we need resources that speak to specific situations! Sometimes, that’s not so great, because they can lose the view of the forest for the trees. It all depends on the author and resource, but again, knowing something about the author’s background and purpose can help you decide whether a particular book is worth your time.

Third, sample the message.​

You can get a taste of what a book is about by checking out the description or an excerpt, reading a review, and/or listening to an author interview.

Every book on Amazon or Christian Book has a description. For instance, mine for Pillow Talk reads:

How can you experience sizzling and satisfying sex in your marriage if you can’t even talk about it?

Yet couples often struggle to understand their spouse and discuss their sex life. Getting the conversation started can be awkward, create more confusion, or result in conflict. Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples provides the right framework for productive communication on a myriad of issues, from physical health to building trust to sexual fantasies. Pillow Talk teaches you how to ask questions, listen, and converse in a way that will avoid argument and promote understanding and intimacy.

Each chapter introduces a topic, presents questions to ask one another, outlines a biblical viewpoint on the subject, and concludes with active steps to help your progress sink in. From bestselling Christian sex author, blogger, and podcaster J. Parker, of Hot, Holy & Humorous, Pillow Talk will help your marriage bed move from awkward to amazing.

The description can give you an overview of what to expect. You can also read an excerpt by clicking Read Sample or checking out my post with a sample chapter. Most authors offer samples of their books so that you can get a sense of the book’s purpose, tone, and format.

You can also read reviews from online bookstores or others you admire. From time to time, I offer reviews of books here, and colleagues have done the same. If you like a particular author, you might like another author your trusted one recommends.

How to Read the Book​

I have some tips on how to read a marriage book, including:

If you get a marriage book in which 80–90% of the advice is good, it’s a wonderful resource. Ignore the 10–20% and focus on how much good stuff you’re getting, some of which you can put into practice and reap the benefits.

But I encourage you to read the entire post: How to Read a Marriage Book. As well as the tips in the top half of this post: Which Sex Books Should You Read?

What about My Books?​

Here are short descriptors of my books:

• Hot, Holy & Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design – a how-to book for Christian wives on improving sexual intimacy in their marriage
• Intimacy Revealed (soon to be retitled Biblical Intimacy) – a devotional book for wives on what the Bible says about sex, along with practical takeaways to put God’s design into practice
• Pillow Talk – a conversation guide (not just starters) for couples to go through together so that they can navigate the challenges of sex, experience greater pleasure, and embrace true intimacy

I also wrote Beatitudes in the Bedroom: Embracing the Blessings for Your Marriage Bed, applying those passages to sexual intimacy, and a collection of short stories titled Behind Closed Doors: Five Marriage Stories.

If that first one appeals to you, I’m having a sale on the print book for anyone who lives in the contiguous United States: $5 for each signed copy, shipping included! (Sorry, others, but the shipping elsewhere is painfully high.)

Announcing My Next Book​

While I love every one of my books, I’m particularly excited about my upcoming release. I have long felt called to write a book specifically for those 20–25% of wives who desire sex more than their husbands. Thankfully, my wonderful agent, Karen Neumair of Credo Communications, believed I was the right person for this project as well and pitched our proposal to several publishers. It was a Dream Come True when Baker Books, the largest independent Christian publisher, offered me a contract.

Since then, the book has gone through drafting; editing, editing, editing, and more editing; cover design; formatting; and other preparation you don’t care about. The main point is that The Higher Desire Wife will be available on March 18, 2025! And you can preorder your copy now.



A husband always wants more sex than his wife, right? Many marriage resources make that assumption, but up to 25 percent of marriages have a higher desire wife! While these women are not alone, they may feel that way as standard sex advice doesn’t address their needs. They may even feel like there is something wrong with them or they should be ashamed of their high sex drive.


Author and speaker J. Parker has been there. In The Higher Desire Wife, she pairs extensive research and personal stories to help the higher desire wife nurture healthy and holy intimacy in her marriage. In these frank and compassionate pages, you’ll learn how to

• understand potential causes of your husband’s lower sex drive
• approach the topic with him in a loving and effective way
• find solutions and compromises to close the desire gap

God designed marriage to fulfill both husband and wife. J. Parker comes alongside you as a trusted friend to help you understand that you’re normal, you’re not alone, and things can get better.

Click to Buy or Learn More



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