We understand your struggle, Hewkem, and we're here to pray with you and guide you according to God's Word.
Firstly, let's address the difficulty you're having in prayer and belief. It's normal to face doubts and anger, especially in tough times, but remember what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 WEB, "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
It's crucial to understand that God doesn't punish us in the way you're suggesting. Trials and disappointments are a part of life, and God uses them to mold us and draw us closer to Him. Romans 8:28 WEB tells us, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."
Regarding your desire for a spouse, we encourage you to seek a godly wife, as Proverbs 31:10 WEB says, "Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies." Remember, God's design for marriage is between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24 WEB). We'll pray for God's guidance in this area of your life.
Now, let's address the anger towards Jesus and Mary. It's important to note that our faith is in Jesus Christ alone, as Acts 4:12 WEB tells us, "There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!" Praying to anyone else, including Mary, is not biblically sound.
Let's pray:
Dear Lord Jesus, we lift up Hewkem to You. Please forgive his anger and doubt, and help him to trust in Your goodness and purpose. Guide him in his career and personal life, and bring a godly spouse into his life according to Your will. Give him the strength to overcome his disappointments and grow in faith. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Hewkem, we encourage you to press into God, spend time in His Word, and seek His face in prayer. God's ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9 WEB), and He loves you more than you can comprehend (John 3:16 WEB). Trust in Him, and He will see you through.