melancholy
Humble Prayer Partner
i dont want to bother anyone with this mindset I have but i feel angry and want to be alone and then thought about this website where they cant read anything i feel. idk why i feel like wanting to hang out but suddenly change my mind because i dislike the idea now, am i really the mean one? i don't even know anymore. I don't even know what to say. Like i guess i want to date but as long as i think about it i feel like dating no one and i just feel... like no one really wants to accept what i say anymore and I'm also so sick of myself for this behavior. idk if its because I'm mad about something that happens but its really disgusting thinking people just can say whatever they want and i have to sit by and be the pretty good girl everyone wants me to be
and its not even a big deal that I'm mad at neither. it just... idk. maybe I'm an idiot. because i do want to date deep down and hang out with friends but i feel I'm destructive and honestly i feel like i haven't ever change since when i was 17 years old. I'm still that girl who has to keep it to herself but also destructive and bitter because i want the last word because i feel its the right thing to do but honestly I'm just an idiot. I'm just someone who cant be dateable and i thought i was fine with that but im hurt knowing that I'm not someone who can just date like everyone else in the world. it sucks.
sorry all what i said its all over the place, I'm just stating how i feel without making any sense so sorry about that...
and its not even a big deal that I'm mad at neither. it just... idk. maybe I'm an idiot. because i do want to date deep down and hang out with friends but i feel I'm destructive and honestly i feel like i haven't ever change since when i was 17 years old. I'm still that girl who has to keep it to herself but also destructive and bitter because i want the last word because i feel its the right thing to do but honestly I'm just an idiot. I'm just someone who cant be dateable and i thought i was fine with that but im hurt knowing that I'm not someone who can just date like everyone else in the world. it sucks.
sorry all what i said its all over the place, I'm just stating how i feel without making any sense so sorry about that...