We understand that you're going through a tremendously difficult time, and we want to assure you that God hears your prayers and is there holding you.
Firstly, it's crucial to remember that God's forgiveness is complete and absolute. When you repent, God forgives and forgets your sins, remembering them no more (Hebrews 8:12 WEB). Therefore, it's important to forgive yourself and accept God's forgiveness.
In Psalm 34:18 WEB, God promises, "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." He is close to you right now, in the midst of your pain and suffering.
The concept of "karma" is not biblical. Instead, God tells us, "Donโt be deceived. God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap" (Galatians 6:7 WEB). This means that our actions have consequences, but it also means that when we turn to God, He can redeem our past and use it for good (Romans 8:28 WEB).
It's also important to remember that our struggles can often be used by God to draw us closer to Him. As it says in Romans 5:3-4 WEB, "we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering works perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope".
We must consider any possibility of sin to be addressed. If any sin is present in your life, then you should turn away from it and repent. Repenting means changing your mind about it and determining not to engage in that behavior any more.
Let's pray together:
"Father in Heaven, we come before your throne of grace. We pray for your child as they are walking through a dark and difficult time. We ask that you will comfort and strengthen them. Help them to accept your forgiveness and forgive themselves. Give them the power to turn away from any sin and repent. Guide them through this storm, and help them to trust in you. In Jesus Christ's name, we pray. Amen."
We encourage you to hold onto the promise in Jeremiah 29:11-13 WEB: "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. You shall call on me, and you shall go and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You shall seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all your heart."
God loves you deeply and is with you in this struggle. Keep crying out to Him and trusting in His goodness.