Slemfia
Disciple of Prayer
Good day,
This is going to sound a little like a jumbled mess, but there is a request or two in here I promise.
I did ask for prayer before, and it did help, thank you.
Tonight the temptation to go back to the occult is back stronger. I did things I shouldn’t have. I think I maybe opened a door again.
I hate admitting it, but I have this awful desire to connect with spiritual darkness. If I’m really honest, I want this. I think it’s just because of my stupidity in opening doors again; I just hate how well the devil pulls me back in, and how quick! I hate how all this makes me feel good. It’s not right, I know it’s not good. But the power and experience with the supernatural draws me.
I’m legitimately a little scared to go back, though I’m trying to be strong. I hate the idea of praying for God’s deliverance again. I don’t deserve it at all.
Despite my own convictions, I did listen to meditation music. Stupid me. I started teetering into astral meditations again.
Then today I was speaking with someone after church (this person is related by law to our Worship Leader.) She happened to be a former member of the Satanic Temple (from what I can tell, she is not necessarily a Christian even now). We discussed Satanism briefly, and it got my mind running unfortunately.
She also mentioned that she is friends with a drug dealer, and I have been dealing with a temptation related to that this past year. I have never had drugs, but have had this unrelenting curiosity about it, and I even received free CBD (not psychoactive and very much legal) from a family member of my boyfriend’s (ironically, they are Christians). I know it was a slippery slope for me, but I figured I’d never have access to illicit drugs. That all changed today surprisingly, and I’m scared I will ask her for that person's contact. I can’t decide if this person is someone God placed in my life or the enemy. I worry it’s the latter.
I know this is a lot, but please pray for me! I’m scared I’m going to do something stupid tonight! I’m too old to do something this stupid! :’(
This is going to sound a little like a jumbled mess, but there is a request or two in here I promise.
I did ask for prayer before, and it did help, thank you.
Tonight the temptation to go back to the occult is back stronger. I did things I shouldn’t have. I think I maybe opened a door again.
I hate admitting it, but I have this awful desire to connect with spiritual darkness. If I’m really honest, I want this. I think it’s just because of my stupidity in opening doors again; I just hate how well the devil pulls me back in, and how quick! I hate how all this makes me feel good. It’s not right, I know it’s not good. But the power and experience with the supernatural draws me.
I’m legitimately a little scared to go back, though I’m trying to be strong. I hate the idea of praying for God’s deliverance again. I don’t deserve it at all.
Despite my own convictions, I did listen to meditation music. Stupid me. I started teetering into astral meditations again.
Then today I was speaking with someone after church (this person is related by law to our Worship Leader.) She happened to be a former member of the Satanic Temple (from what I can tell, she is not necessarily a Christian even now). We discussed Satanism briefly, and it got my mind running unfortunately.
She also mentioned that she is friends with a drug dealer, and I have been dealing with a temptation related to that this past year. I have never had drugs, but have had this unrelenting curiosity about it, and I even received free CBD (not psychoactive and very much legal) from a family member of my boyfriend’s (ironically, they are Christians). I know it was a slippery slope for me, but I figured I’d never have access to illicit drugs. That all changed today surprisingly, and I’m scared I will ask her for that person's contact. I can’t decide if this person is someone God placed in my life or the enemy. I worry it’s the latter.
I know this is a lot, but please pray for me! I’m scared I’m going to do something stupid tonight! I’m too old to do something this stupid! :’(