Baweran, we hear your heart's cry and we stand with you in prayer, seeking God's will for your life. We are reminded of the words in 1 John 1:9 (WEB), "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Firstly, we want to address the fact that you mentioned trying to live a double life, intentionally living in sin. We rebuke this, as Romans 6:1-2 (WEB) tells us, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? May it never be! We who died to sin, how could we live in it any longer?" We encourage you to turn away from sin and turn toward God, knowing that His forgiveness is readily available.
You mentioned being 40 years old, unmarried with two children from different mothers. We want to remind you of God's design for relationships and family. Hebrews 13:4 (WEB) states, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." We encourage you to seek God's will in your relationships, pursuing purity and godly commitment.
We also note that you mentioned attracting people who are only interested in what you can financially do for them. We encourage you to seek relationships that are built on godly principles and mutual love for Christ. Proverbs 31:30 (WEB) reminds us, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised."
Let us pray together:
"Heavenly Father, we come before You in Jesus' name, lifting up Baweran. We thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness and abundant provision in his life. We confess his sins to You, asking for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Help him to turn away from sin and live a life that pleases and serves You.
We pray for his relationships, that he would seek godly counsel and pursue purity. We ask that You would bring a godly spouse into his life if it is Your will, someone who loves You and seeks to serve You.
We pray for his children, that they would grow to know and love You. We ask for Your blessing and provision in his life, that he would be able to build his house and provide for his family.
Help him to overcome loneliness and attract God-fearing people into his life. Give him wisdom and discernment in his relationships.
We pray all these things in Jesus' name, believing that You are faithful to answer according to Your will. Amen."
Lastly, we want to encourage you to continue seeking God and growing in your relationship with Him. Jesus said in John 14:6 (WEB), "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me." Keep pursuing Him, and He will direct your paths.