Anagniosyne
Humble Servant of All
Dear Lord, maybe I am still doing things wrong. Apparently I was asked multiple times this week to do dishes. I don’t recall that at all, but I’ve been told that I didn’t do them on purpose and to hurt my wife. Every night before I walk up stairs to a different room to sleep in, I ask is there anything I can do? I’m told no, and yet that would be a perfect time to remind me of the dishes. As mentioned I don’t recall those conversations, but because I don’t remember them it’s because it didn’t fit my schedule, even though I do so much. You know what Lord it is in your hands. I am your servant, I submit to you. I have again made it known that I am working from love and compassion, I was told that wasn’t wanted and everything I do is just a terrible thing. Lord want to know a truth? If this is a situation where you are trying to change me and not the circumstance, than I fear what I am supposed to be able to handle from it. I don’t want to handle something later on where this happens, I don’t want to do this again. I am being told that I am spiteful and poking all the time, and I keep responding with kindness. Continual told I’m a bad person from the woman I love, that they should have not been with me, how were we together so long. What a waste of their time. This pain you are teaching me to live through, what ever it’s purpose is seems terrible. How do I keep trying to do right and be helpful and being told I don’t do anything? She says that people say mean things to each other when they want a divorce. The things she says to me are hurtful, I would not say them to her. It’s cruel and toxic. Can I ask, what character are you trying to build in me? This is wretched, I don’t like this and I do not want to treat anyone this way. Please Lord, help me to find a way out, help me to find a place to live, where it is safe, clean, affordable, and a decent distance for easy transport for the kids. This is important Lord, please do not use this as some tool for self growth, please do not let the devil have his way in this. If I did anything tonight or acted some way tonight I shouldn’t have and sinned, please forgive me. I did try to keep you in mind and follow in your guidance. I love you Lord, thank you.