Pirynn
Humble Prayer Partner
Dear Lord Jesus, Why is it today of all days that I can't seem to stop thinking about Mr. OR Nurse. I'd really love for him to be my boyfriend. I'd love to get to know him, what he likes, what he dislikes, what are his dreams for the future, what he wants for himself. I don't know how I feel. Maybe it's just a crush, maybe lust, I don't even know if it's love because I don't know him at all! Only with the hi's and hellos and the eye contact we have along the way.. sometimes especially now he doesn't acknowledge my presence when usually he says hi. My emotions are.. weirding me out. I've never really experienced love and romance before. I've tried doing it twice but it ended up as failures because they're simply not the men You wanted for me and I tried playing as You, the one who can truly heal them. Maybe I'm missing something inside of me that I am yearning for in Mr. OR Nurse. Well, maybe a dad or something? I've had major daddy issues for the longest time. My dad being emotionally absent, and my dead grandpa serving as my father figure. Come to think of it though, Mr. OR nurse kinda resembles my grandpa a little bit, tall, handsome, chinky eyes, fair skin, great smile. I miss my Daddy Lolo so much, it's been years since he died and it still hurts, the void he left in my heart is still gaping wide. Anyway, back to Mr. OR Nurse.. I just feel like I'm trying to already grieve about losing him like if i find out if he's married or if he has a girlfriend or if he's a playboy or if he's gay, I'm trying to just reassure myself it'll be okay.. but honestly I'd feel devastated. I shouldn't feel this way right? I mean it's just a crush. But why does my heart feel so heavy? Why does my chest feel so tight when I think about such things? I want to surrender these feelings to You, Lord. He makes me feel so happy when I see him, but like I always said.. he is his own person. He is not mine. And Your will with him might be different than what I want, which is him with me. This sucks, You know that? I just want to not feel these feelings anymore, so I wouldn't get hurt. I don't want to feel this kind of pain anymore, nor do i want to feel disappointed, scared, insecured, anxious. Please Lord, lead me to the right person. And if it's truly him, I would love to have a connection with him soon. So yes.. that is all I'm airing out. Thank You so much. I love You! In Jesus' Name We Pray, Amen.