Pirynn
Humble Prayer Partner
Dear Lord Jesus, I've lost my passion for the OB NICU unit because of toxic coworkers, and I felt like my capabilities are limited because of its limited scope. I just hope that this is not just an episode of my fleeting intense emotions but I truly feel unhappy. Also, I haven't seen Mr. OR nurse for a while, which makes me feel sad, too, especially with thoughts of him probably having a family or a girlfriend or him being a playboy. I guess I'm just putting him on a pedestal, like he's gonna be the light to my darkness, or the solution to my emotional turmoil, but I should realize that he might be struggling, too. I shouldn't push it if it's not your will, I understand that. Maybe I just needed some light, reassurance that everything will be okay. Somehow I feel like in this valley, and it all hurts so much. I was bullied by my toxic staff and it's struck a nerve. I want to run because I feel like screaming at them, this monster inside of me wants to come out. I guess that's what they want, so they have something to talk about instead of their boring lives full of hate and gossip. I too, am becoming the very thing I hate. A tattletale and a gossip. Words just come out of my mouth and hell would make an ascent at anytime.. I didn't mean to cause chaos or more strife. I simply am saying what's on my mind or how i feel. But Lord, I should check my heart, too. I am becoming angry, disillusioned because of how bad everything in this hospital is. The admin underpaid us and refused to promote us on the proper time, a lot of staff nurses are so toxic towards each other, just looking for ways to destroy others because they're unhappy with themselves, and the whole hospital is teeming with dark secrets that with some I unfortunately uncovered, and it's making me so uncomfortable. See, deep inside, I just know I don't have to put up with this. I don't have to deal with this kind of negativity, the disrespect. I know I'm worth more than this horrible treatment. Please, let me know what I should do. Please guide me to the right path Lord. I am actually considering transferring to the OR.. but I'm not sure if I could negotiate it to the horrible admin who only cared about filling up understaffing, or if even it's in Your will because my emotions would get the best of me since Mr. OR nurse is there. Seriously, though, I need discernment and strength Lord. I need to know what I should really do. Because honestly, I just feel discouraged and angry, and it might sometimes affect the way I treat my patients, which is what I wouldn't want to happen, given that a lot of them are babies. So Lord, please. Tell me, may it be in a dream, may it be in a sign. Just tell me what to do to be out of this... nightmare. Please. Thanks a lot. I love You. In Jesus' Name We Pray, Amen.