Pirynn
Humble Prayer Partner
Dear Lord Jesus, I feel so infatuated towards this guy, this nurse from the OR. With his chinky eyes, his kind handsome face, his cute smile. I don't know, the moment he said hi to me in the hospital, I just felt something. And yes, I have had several crushes, may have flirted with them a little bit(but they aren't available yey!), with him it feels a little.. i can't explain it.
We haven't seen each other in a while. I'm like yeah, understandable, he's holed up in the OR, and I'm also having my training. But it was on that certain day that I saw him walking in the parking lot I noticed his gait I'm like "his gait looks so weird" and he's already wearing his cap, and I'm weirded out even more, but charmed by it as well.
What's funny is that later in the day, I was told by my senior I should go with her to the OR to handover our patient to the OR. When his colleague was receiving endorsement, he went out of the usual barriers and leaned towards me quite very closely.. much closer than what I'm usually comfortable with. I felt my heart beating fast. It's so funny because with other guys I'd be so mad but with him it's like "i want you to do it again".
Then suddenly he's everywhere. I saw him walk past our department a lot, and then one time, I was literally talking about him to my friend when he just poof! appeared in a blind corner when I went in for work and he said "hi" in a very shy kind of way, but I don't know if I even smiled or said hi back. I was kind of icy.. frozen which is probably bad.
I was recalling that moment, when suddenly the next day, I wouldn't expect to see him in the nursery, ever.. he appeared again at our door and we looked each other in the eyes!! Well it's because our dept actually needed their services.. and I was like "Lord! What is this!?" and my heart is even beating more wildly than before. I don't know how it goes from here and it scares me honestly when it shouldn't.
Rejection always stings, and even if he does like me back, I'm scared of being a burden to him because I have a scarred relationship with myself. He's handsome.. really handsome in my eyes, and I feel insecure because although I've been told I'm beautiful and my features are beautiful especially my hair and eyes, but I am fat(which a lot of people love to make a point of, especially my mom), and I've also had a lot of childhood trauma and a very difficult relationship with my dad, which makes it hard for me to trust and open my heart to people, especially men. I find it hard to love people for who they are. It's a bad state to be in. But, I do have a lot of talents, especially singing, and I am intelligent. Those are my shining qualities.
I mean... I want this to maybe stop? Or in real honesty, I really want to get to know him, be with him. My desire is to have dates with him, get to talk about things, express myself, marry him! But I don't even know if he has a girlfriend, a wife and kids, or if he's a raging playboy.. the uncertainty is killing me! But yes Lord.. I need to have faith.. that things will work out for the best in the end. Lord, I pray that the solution for these feelings would come up soon.. I do know I should be patient. It's just making me really anxious and nervous, it's like I'm back in high school all over again. Dear Lord, I am surrendering these feelings to You. Thanks a lot, because he made working in the hospital much more bearable in the past few days. I was quite down, but he lit my heart up everytime I see him. So thanks a lot for having him around me.
I just pray for his health, safety, and his happiness too. I pray that he wouldn't have mean doctors riling up on him and that he wouldn't get hurt doing his job too. I pray for their patients to always be safe, and they they won't commit any fatal procedural/medication errors. I pray for his life to more blessed than before.
So yeah.. this is just me pouring out my feelings. I am surrendering them to you Lord. And I pray for myself, that I would handle my emotions better. Please Lord. Thanks a lot. Love You. In Jesus' Name We Pray, Amen.
We haven't seen each other in a while. I'm like yeah, understandable, he's holed up in the OR, and I'm also having my training. But it was on that certain day that I saw him walking in the parking lot I noticed his gait I'm like "his gait looks so weird" and he's already wearing his cap, and I'm weirded out even more, but charmed by it as well.
What's funny is that later in the day, I was told by my senior I should go with her to the OR to handover our patient to the OR. When his colleague was receiving endorsement, he went out of the usual barriers and leaned towards me quite very closely.. much closer than what I'm usually comfortable with. I felt my heart beating fast. It's so funny because with other guys I'd be so mad but with him it's like "i want you to do it again".
Then suddenly he's everywhere. I saw him walk past our department a lot, and then one time, I was literally talking about him to my friend when he just poof! appeared in a blind corner when I went in for work and he said "hi" in a very shy kind of way, but I don't know if I even smiled or said hi back. I was kind of icy.. frozen which is probably bad.
I was recalling that moment, when suddenly the next day, I wouldn't expect to see him in the nursery, ever.. he appeared again at our door and we looked each other in the eyes!! Well it's because our dept actually needed their services.. and I was like "Lord! What is this!?" and my heart is even beating more wildly than before. I don't know how it goes from here and it scares me honestly when it shouldn't.
Rejection always stings, and even if he does like me back, I'm scared of being a burden to him because I have a scarred relationship with myself. He's handsome.. really handsome in my eyes, and I feel insecure because although I've been told I'm beautiful and my features are beautiful especially my hair and eyes, but I am fat(which a lot of people love to make a point of, especially my mom), and I've also had a lot of childhood trauma and a very difficult relationship with my dad, which makes it hard for me to trust and open my heart to people, especially men. I find it hard to love people for who they are. It's a bad state to be in. But, I do have a lot of talents, especially singing, and I am intelligent. Those are my shining qualities.
I mean... I want this to maybe stop? Or in real honesty, I really want to get to know him, be with him. My desire is to have dates with him, get to talk about things, express myself, marry him! But I don't even know if he has a girlfriend, a wife and kids, or if he's a raging playboy.. the uncertainty is killing me! But yes Lord.. I need to have faith.. that things will work out for the best in the end. Lord, I pray that the solution for these feelings would come up soon.. I do know I should be patient. It's just making me really anxious and nervous, it's like I'm back in high school all over again. Dear Lord, I am surrendering these feelings to You. Thanks a lot, because he made working in the hospital much more bearable in the past few days. I was quite down, but he lit my heart up everytime I see him. So thanks a lot for having him around me.
I just pray for his health, safety, and his happiness too. I pray that he wouldn't have mean doctors riling up on him and that he wouldn't get hurt doing his job too. I pray for their patients to always be safe, and they they won't commit any fatal procedural/medication errors. I pray for his life to more blessed than before.
So yeah.. this is just me pouring out my feelings. I am surrendering them to you Lord. And I pray for myself, that I would handle my emotions better. Please Lord. Thanks a lot. Love You. In Jesus' Name We Pray, Amen.