Anagniosyne
Humble Servant of All
Dear Jesus, I submit to your will. I have no idea what is going on in my life except that I am here and alone and though I work, not moving anywhere in my life. I continue to look to you for answers and help, and I don’t know. I’m close to just not caring anymore and just doing what I want. At least when I do what I want, the consequences are my own making, when I do what you want the consequences are baseline, right now they feel like stagnation. Am I supposed to live my life in stagnation? I am alone, much has been taken from me, my kids, my love, my future, my inspiration, my desire, my security, much of my self-worth, my dignity, my financial well-being, my financial growth, possessions, my joy, and what have I gotten in return? Long-suffering, how long-suffering? Wisdom, which could have been gained through other means. Freedom which is now filled with heartache of being alone. Maybe I’m being negative, but Lord I had faith in you that when the divorce was settled you were going to allow for some joy and movement in my life to happen and I stand here asking you, what gives? My ex attacks as much as before, I have no connections, no one wants to spend time with me, I have lost my inspiration and focus in writing which was something I held so dear, I don’t have the financial freedom to enjoy my freedom. So if you look into my heart and see my pain, understand Lord, this is messed up. If I am to live like this forever, just say it. Man is supposed to work, well here I am working, raising my children to follow you, and I am doing it alone, and joyless, in pain.
