Anagniosyne
Humble Servant of All
Dear Jesus, I submit to your will. I have no idea what is going on in my life except that I am here and alone and though I work, not moving anywhere in my life. I continue to look to you for answers and help, and I don’t know. I’m close to just not caring anymore and just doing what I want. At least when I do what I want, the consequences are my own making, when I do what you want the consequences are base line, right now they feel like stagnation. Am I supposed to live my life in stagnation? I am alone, much has been taken from me, my kids, my love, my future, my inspiration, my desire, my security, much of my self worth, my dignity, my financial well being, my financial growth, possessions, my joy, and what have I gotten in return? Long-suffering, how long-suffering? Wisdom, which could have been gained through other means. Freedom which is now filled with heartache of being alone. Maybe I’m being negative, but Lord I had faith in you that when the divorced was settled you were going to allow for some joy and movement in my life to happen and I stand here asking you, what gives? My ex attacks as much as before, I have no connections, no one wants to spend time with me, I have lost my inspiration and focus in writing which was something I held so dear, I don’t have the financial freedom to enjoy my freedom. So if you look into my heart and see my pain, understand Lord, this is messed up. If I am to live like this forever, just say it. Man is supposed to work, well here I am working, raising my children to follow you, and I am doing it alone, and joyless, in pain.
