Anonymous
Beloved of All
Dear God If you can help I really need you to help. You know I am soooo angry and pissed off because I look at my past and I see no where where I loved. I constantly think about death I constantly think about suicide. I hate the way that I responded to the opportunities that you gave me. I am having a hard time seeing any kind of good from my life. When I was little I had terrible dreams about being in a house on fire. I had thoughts about chopping the breasts off of women in the woods. I didnt have any kind of meaningful relationship with my parents. My dad was an abusive drunk and my mom was also a drinker but she was also sick. The point is they didnt show me how to live. I think about when they had to send me off to the a psychiatric hospital for 5 months because I kept running away. I said that correctly because I ran away not because they made me run away. I was only 11 God I guess I have no idea how many problems I was really causing. I stoke from everyones country club account that I could get the pin number for. I participated in homosexual perverse behavior at at 10 years old. I had sexual contact with animals many times. I remember running over my dads head while boogie boarding with a big smile on my face. I constantly stole from my parents wallets and was arrested for shoplifting I dont know how many times. I stole from every store I was in and even got my brother in trouble for doing the same. I wasted your money at college. I lied to win the golf tournament. i constantly made up medical scenerios to get people to run to my bed side. I cheated on my girl friends and my wives. i manipulated the wife I have now to take care of me like i was a little child. I have raped 100s of women and a few children as well. I have murdered many many people. God i know you know what I mean by this its not a physical action its in my heart. I have stolen. manipulated lied. ran and died many times. If you can help me I sure need to know.