Please do not do this. There is no reason for you to do such a thing to yourself. Don't you know that when Christ hung on that cross He saw your life from the end to beginning and knowing full well what you would do and where you would be even at this very moment He chose to die for you.
All debts are paid in full and all the horrors you have seen and known are covered by the blood of Christ Jesus our Lord. The enemy is trying to convince you that somehow you are responsible for the sins of others and for the mistakes others have made. The very wounds you have Jesus longs to tend for you and the broken heart that is within you Jesus will bind up and heal.
Rise up today and be healed in the name of Jesus Christ. Leave all these cares behind you and go forward. You goal in this life now is to only help others. There is still plenty of time to encourage someone else to trust the Lord enough to be willing to live for HIM and for HIM alone.
Please read this devotional and be reminded just how special you really are to God HIMSELF. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities them that fear Him (Ps. 103, 13). Though a mother may forget her sucking child, "yet will I not forget thee" (Isa. 49:15). The Father-name of God expresses completely this self-same richly comforting thought. It implies not merely that a father loves, and that God loves too, but that God's love for you springs from the same fact from which springs the love of father or mother for their children, to wit: the fact that God has created and formed you, and has made the soul that is in you. That you have been created after God's Image, declares that by virtue of your creation, God feels Himself related to you; that He finds something of Himself in you, and because you are His own product, His own creature, His own handiwork, you are, and remain, an object of His Divine interest.
Because God has made your soul, there is something in it of God Himself, a Divine stamp has been impressed upon you; there is something of God's power, thought, and creative genius in you, as in no other. You are one of the Lord's own works of art, precisely like which He created none other. Imagine for a moment that you had ceased to exist, then something would be wanting in the rich collection of the Lord. And from this originates a tie between God and your soul, whereby you are a star in His firmament, which the Father of spirits can not do without.
Please write my husband Don or myself and we will pray with you personally because we know that God is able to take your life right now and make something beautiful out of it in the name of Jesus Christ.
MerciMe