layanne
Disciple of Prayer
Hi family. I am conflicted deeply about what the Lord wants me to do regarding my relationship. When I first starting dating my boyfriend a year and a 3 months ago, I felt like the Lord was calling me into this relationship. I joined the relationship due to his heart for God, our daily conversations about the Bible and worship, things that helped me grow into the lover of Jesus I am today! Since then, I have been happy and really believed God had this man as my future husband (and specifically saw myself marrying him as well!) Everything was going well until randomly I just started getting thoughts in my head that maybe he's not the one - or maybe I shouldn't be with him. (Also, he started graduate school and we are long distance as well, but since graduate school we haven't been communicating as much just due to both of us being busy, and I also felt like I got used to not communicating and I was okay with it, which I surprised myself that way.) I don't understand why these thoughts are coming in my head.
After discussing it over with my boyfriend and some people in my Christian community - it was the possibility of me either comparing him to some of the "good" qualities my previous relationships held. (but really these qualities were silly standards I had set up due to experiencing them in my past, one for example was my partner asking me questions as an effort to know more about me, another was just the type of humor I liked, etc.) But I never thought about these things until they all randomly popped in my head after 1 year.
So basically what I am trying to sum up is that, I love this guy so much - he is everything I want in a man, he places God first, he doesn't distract me from God, and he has no bad qualities and there are NO negatives to the relationship. It has and is still going good for 1 whole year and some, but I don't know why randomly my happiness has changed and all these thoughts came into my head. And I know love isn't just being happy ALL the time and isn't all emotion, but it takes work, and proves itsself unconditional. So is this just a test of proving a promise to love unconditionally despite these emotions and thoughts, or is this something bigger?
Is this an attack of the devil trying to end a God-given relationship? Or is this God convicting me to end it right now because even though it seems good it might not be for me? (But then I ask, why would I go through it for this long and feel everything for it to suddenly change?) I understand God's plan is so much greater for me, but I just don't know why all this has been coming up in my head so RANDOMLY after everything was going just fine. I always prayed before I start the relationship, that God if this is NOT the one, please do not let me continue the relationship any further. And I prayed that daily for the first month of my relationship. But a whole year later, there is a sudden change in my brain, like the prayer came up again. It switched from God bless this relationship to God if it is not the one - end it, and I know God's will will be done but just confused my sudden switch of character and thought.
I know God is not a God of confusion, but I just feel so conflicted because I don't know if this is the Lord telling me to break it up because He's trying to teach me something, to stay and push through and learn something else, or if this is the Devil trying to test me. It's all weird because I never made my relationship an idol, but this whole random thought in my head has consumed me - and now I feel like it is taking me away from God because I'm scared (to see if God wants me to end it, or because I just have been consumed by the wrong things) I know I will be okay either way because I have God, but I also know I will be so confused if I had to end it, and if I didn't end it I know this thought might come in my head again? How do I know what God wants me to do? Just make a spontaneous decision and see where it ends up?
I really need prayer to trust in God, to HEAR God's voice clearly from the rest, and to have God guide all my decisions especially this, because I don't want to hurt people in the process, I don't want to dishonor God, and I don't want to be conflicted. I just need God to give me peace and to give me discernment and understanding. I would love some advice and prayer for these things, thank you so much! Much love and blessings. Please feel free to PM me if there is any questions or any advice.
*Plus my christian friend made a good point that, we are both deeply involved in ministry (both of us are worship leaders at our respective churches) and many people have told us that we have a potential of a great calling to go into worship ministry together! Maybe the Devil is trying to ruin that?*, just still conflicted why these thoughts would come up in my head. Don't know how to make the distinction where they are coming from?
After discussing it over with my boyfriend and some people in my Christian community - it was the possibility of me either comparing him to some of the "good" qualities my previous relationships held. (but really these qualities were silly standards I had set up due to experiencing them in my past, one for example was my partner asking me questions as an effort to know more about me, another was just the type of humor I liked, etc.) But I never thought about these things until they all randomly popped in my head after 1 year.
So basically what I am trying to sum up is that, I love this guy so much - he is everything I want in a man, he places God first, he doesn't distract me from God, and he has no bad qualities and there are NO negatives to the relationship. It has and is still going good for 1 whole year and some, but I don't know why randomly my happiness has changed and all these thoughts came into my head. And I know love isn't just being happy ALL the time and isn't all emotion, but it takes work, and proves itsself unconditional. So is this just a test of proving a promise to love unconditionally despite these emotions and thoughts, or is this something bigger?
Is this an attack of the devil trying to end a God-given relationship? Or is this God convicting me to end it right now because even though it seems good it might not be for me? (But then I ask, why would I go through it for this long and feel everything for it to suddenly change?) I understand God's plan is so much greater for me, but I just don't know why all this has been coming up in my head so RANDOMLY after everything was going just fine. I always prayed before I start the relationship, that God if this is NOT the one, please do not let me continue the relationship any further. And I prayed that daily for the first month of my relationship. But a whole year later, there is a sudden change in my brain, like the prayer came up again. It switched from God bless this relationship to God if it is not the one - end it, and I know God's will will be done but just confused my sudden switch of character and thought.
I know God is not a God of confusion, but I just feel so conflicted because I don't know if this is the Lord telling me to break it up because He's trying to teach me something, to stay and push through and learn something else, or if this is the Devil trying to test me. It's all weird because I never made my relationship an idol, but this whole random thought in my head has consumed me - and now I feel like it is taking me away from God because I'm scared (to see if God wants me to end it, or because I just have been consumed by the wrong things) I know I will be okay either way because I have God, but I also know I will be so confused if I had to end it, and if I didn't end it I know this thought might come in my head again? How do I know what God wants me to do? Just make a spontaneous decision and see where it ends up?
I really need prayer to trust in God, to HEAR God's voice clearly from the rest, and to have God guide all my decisions especially this, because I don't want to hurt people in the process, I don't want to dishonor God, and I don't want to be conflicted. I just need God to give me peace and to give me discernment and understanding. I would love some advice and prayer for these things, thank you so much! Much love and blessings. Please feel free to PM me if there is any questions or any advice.
*Plus my christian friend made a good point that, we are both deeply involved in ministry (both of us are worship leaders at our respective churches) and many people have told us that we have a potential of a great calling to go into worship ministry together! Maybe the Devil is trying to ruin that?*, just still conflicted why these thoughts would come up in my head. Don't know how to make the distinction where they are coming from?
Hello Lodseth, we're lifting up your urgent need for a financial blessing. Remember, God cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Let's agree in prayer for His provision for you, just as He provides for the birds of the air (Matthew 6:26). Trust in His timing and goodness. We stand with you in Jesus' name! 
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