Hybage
Disciple of Prayer
College has made me feel very depressed to the point where I am beginning to have nihilistic thoughts about the world and can't motivate myself to do anything at all. Everything takes an extreme amount of energy, and I take many moments throughout the day to just stare in the distance for minutes on end with a clouded mind and no willpower. I don't see the purpose behind living anymore, and the content in class is suddenly way over my head. I genuinely don't associate with others because I know it would be their downfall. Thus, I feel hopeless. I don't cry or break down, but there's a part to me that is simply broken right now, and I can't see the light at all. I give in to every sinful human impulse and can't fulfill my responsibilities. I'm not a blessing to others, and I'm a failure of a son to my parents. I feel like dying and don't see hope for my future. All I do is scheme and smile insincerely at people all day, deceiving them into thinking I'm a happy soul when I'm almost dead inside. I stay up almost all night and am tired constantly. Please, God, help, and anyone who reads this, thank you so much for caring for someone like me. I'm a broken person who doesn't deserve love or salvation, but I do believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Thank you so much for praying for me. I need a very major life change or something because I go through the motions all day not getting to know anyone ever. It's like I'm not even human. No wonder people caught on to my behavior when they did because they realized it before I even did.