Saththad
Disciple of Prayer
Chris Collier: I want my thought pattern under control. I believe that "people don't love me,that everyone in my Church despises me,my family hates me".I believe that I am "unloved,and unwanted" by other people. It then evolves to "Evil Suspicion" which consumes my thought pattern all the time. Now I have had a battle like never before with my prayer life it has been going on for 2 years now. I can't pray the "correct way" according to other people I am terrible at asking for prayer the right way. I have been given a long list of rules to follow by people in my Church regarding prayer I just can't seem to meet anyone's standards of prayer. I have not been praying for several months now because I am lost in a sea of confusion with rules which one should be followed, everyone has a different answer to that which ones shouldn't. I don't have the " correct attitude, motives,pure heart, proper etiquette, correct timing,it doesn't seem to align with God's will", or it's too lengthy,or the opposite not lengthy enough for some people, I struggle having faith in my prayer requests I doubt myself,not the correct language, just about everything prayer related one person can go through I am. I haven't been getting in God's word much as it contains many rules about prayer, and the way I should be but I am not doing it correctly so I feel lots of "condemnation,and shame" when I read passages that deal with rules for me to follow on Scripture. I am extremely extremely fearful in asking for prayer literally about anything that,"everyone will reject me,my prayers,give me a long list of rules that I must follow correctly(Legalism.)". Example of this battle is I just got in a car accident this week, and my car is damaged. I am fearful in asking for prayer for that because I don't understand the correct way to ask for it that "/wouldn't sound selfish,or self-centered, and I am concerned that other people will view me as unsafe on the road if I tell them I was in a accident,that is embarrassing,and shameful, and condemning to ask for prayer for something like that, I am also concerned that I don't have correct motives, attitude,that it may not line up with God's will to ask for prayer that". I just want God to step in,and restore my prayer life,word time that I would seek a real deep relationship with God. I want to get to a place where all the Legalism is gone where I am not living to get other people's approval, satisfaction then don't get,and get rejected and believe that I am "unloved,and unwanted by people". I just want to live my life at the age of 25 having a sweet,good pure relationship with God who I know loves me more than anyone does. If you want to pray for that you can just don't feel "pressured to,or if this is a big burden you don't have to pray for me",or if it doesn't follow the "prayer rules" correctly feel free not to pray for me if you don't want to,and or this stuff makes you feel uncomfortable thanks!