Cancer Survivor Needs A Support System, Please!

[lauriejeanjohn@gmail.com]

Please pray for my girls & I as we are all alone & not fairing so well. I come from an abusive dysfunctional family, as did my husband - I managed to rise above my upbringing, my husband did not. As most girls do, I went to my Mom for advice about everything, including my relationship - when my husband literally beat me, choked me, kicked me - I broke off the engagement until my Mom told me the next morning to "make nice" & get him to take me back because there were worse men out there. I later came to find out that my Mom doesn't know why but she says that she has always hated me, I often wondered why she treated me so diferently from my siblings. The times in my life that I needed my Mom the most, she just wasn't there. When she had breast cancer & later on a broken leg, I was the only person who went to her house, with my 2 baby girls, & cooked, cleaned, & took care of her. I used to believe in karma, or "pay it forward" - that if you do random acts of kindness, it will come back to you several times over. I would be happy if it would just come back to me. I am a fighter, I've lost a baby girl & I've had recurrent breast cancer - through the grace of God I've survived the breast cancer that returned 4 times after the initial diagnosis. The Drs. tried many different kinds of chemo & I received the lifetime maximum amount of radiation allowed. One of the chemo drugs really damaged my heart & the radiation kiled the nerves in my left arm leaving it paralyzed, the muscles have atrophied to the point my shoulder is permanetly dislocated & is there by forcing me to allow the Drs. to amputate the arm. I also have severe lymphadema in the arm because of the mastectomy, both the dislocation & lymphadema are incredibly painful. I cannot find a job & I don't qualify for disability, I can't keep all my utilities on at the same time. I pray all the time that God will show me the answer to my financial problems. We need to move as the landlord won't fix things as they break or quit working. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Good Friday, & Easter Sunday just happened to be my 35th birthday. The Drs. say that although the radiation kills the tumor cells, years later cancer can come back in those areas because of the radiation. My husband ended up being physically, emotionally, & sexually abusive to me. After my mastectomy I begged him for some time to get used to my situation, but no, he had needs & it was my duty to see to his needs. He started pointing out & saying something about every woman with both breasts that he saw, whether the women were alive or on T.V. - it was an extreme form of torture & I asked him to stop, but he said he was that way before my surgery & he wasn't going to change - he said he enjoyed being himself. I still can't understand how he changed from a decent, sweet, caring guy into the meanest, foulest man I had ever met, over the course of 14 years he completely changed his views on many subjects. He doesn't care about his daughters- he routinely called them swear words & other hideous names. When I couldn't work because of the cancer, my Mom & now ex-husband got into an arguement over who should be financially responsible for me, I was mortified. I want my girls to be proud of me & I want them to have normal things like electric & hot water, please, please, pray for us - a decent place to live, financial stability, & people who love us. My youngest asked me if I really thought that things would be okay & I told her yes & to keep praying, she replied that she thinks God can't hear her anymore. Please if anyone can help us, please contact me. Thank you so much. God Bless proud