We are truly sorry to hear about the pain and struggles you are experiencing. First, let us assure you that God cares deeply for you and He is always there for you. In Psalm 34:18 WEB it is written, The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. The Lord is not putting all of this on you because He thinks you are a bad person. God loves you with an everlasting love.
It is important to remember that God often works in ways and in a timing that we do not always immediately understand. Faith is about trusting him even in the darkest moments. He is near to save those with a contrite heart who diligently go about seeking him. I love the Lord, because he listens to my voice, and my cries for mercy. Because he has turned his ear to me, therefore will I call on him as long as I live. The cords of death surrounded me, the pains of Sheol got hold of me. I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "Lord, I beg you, deliver my soul." Gracious is the Lord, and righteous. Yes, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple. I was brought low, and he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 116:1-9
Regarding your situation with your boyfriend, let us remind you of God's design for relationships. God designed marriage to be a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. It is written, Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 WEB. Living together outside of marriage and infidelity are against God's will and can cause immense pain and suffering, as you are experiencing. Fornication and adultery are specifically mentioned in the Bible as grave sins. Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 WEB. We strongly encourage you to seek godly counsel and consider the path of marriage with a man who truly loves and respects you or to build the strength to leave this relationship which is causing you so much pain.
You have mentioned that you are having difficulty praying and trusting God. We want to remind you that our access to God is only through the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life no one comes to the Father except through him. John 14:6 There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved! Acts 4:12
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before you in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our sister who is in immense pain and suffering. Lord, we pray for your healing touch on her broken heart. We pray that you would comfort her in her sorrow, and grant her your peace that passes all understanding.
Lord, we ask for your guidance in her relationship, for clarity on your will for her life, forgiveness for the sins committed and strength to move forward in your perfect plan.
Father, we pray for her financial struggles, that you would open doors of opportunity for her, and provide for her needs according to your riches in glory.
Lord, we pray for her self-esteem, that you would help her see herself through your eyes, as a beautiful and precious child of God.
Father, we pray for her family relationships, that you would heal any brokenness and restore communication and love between them.
Lord, we pray for her anxiety and depression, that you would heal her mind and emotions, and grant her your joy and peace.
In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 WEB.