H
Hope4Change
Guest
Dear all, I am a long time Christian who fell of the path of righteousness and pursued worldly interests for the past 4 years. During this time, I struggled to change, constantly asking God to help me change because I could not stop sinning. I was in a relationship with a guy who I met at a Christian conference and we were together for the last 4 years. It started off badly. We are both Christians, yet we let temptations get the best of it. We intended to get married in the future, but could not control ourselves from being close to each other. Long story short, I got pregnant and had an abortion because I could not support the child and I know.. I know how terrible that is.. I am angry and unhappy with my choice everyday. Please don't judge me. I feel guilt and remorse over this. I pushed him away, telling him we needed to stop and he did not want to. He called me a Bible Thumper every time I told him not to touch me (in my private areas). He wouldn't stop and was relentless. I was constantly irritated every time he reached out to try to grab my chest.
He called himself a Christian, but would not listen... then I found out earlier this year that he had a sexual online, but not physical, relationship with another girl for three years. He had her calling him Master and he in turned called her good girl. He had not told her he was dating but used that girl for his own benefit. The other girl and I had a chat about this and she vouched that there was nothing physical, but this was late Feb and early March. I was hurting a lot. He even denied it at first, telling me that she was crazy... eventually everything spilled out and he could not deny it anymore and came clean about it. There was another situation with a colleague of his, where he flirted with her to have her help him with work or errands and she also was not clear on the fact that he had me. It was at this point I told him I needed a break and was constantly angry because he pretty much cheated on me.
He begged me to come back, telling me that he would change, that he wanted to go back to the right path. He said a lot of things, and like a fool, I believed him. I thought he really would change. And again, he just ignored my requests to stop touching me and to wait. He would not change.. things went on until recently when I discovered that he had written love letters to another girl... passionate emails that told her how much he loved her and couldn't stop thinking about her and how much he missed her. This had started shortly after I found out about the online relationship in March. His feelings were declined because this girl had boyfriend and told him to back off, but it didn't stop him from paying her compliments and telling her that he would always be there for her. I never even get compliments. Another betrayal... how stupid I was.
Now he says that he realizes how wrong he was. That he will definitely change and that it won't happen again. Of course I don't believe him. He said he will seek help to change his life around. I told him I deserved better and he agreed, but said that he wanted to change so he could be better. Deep down inside I want to believe him, and wish that he really is listening to God and hearing what He is telling him to do. I really wish he would do what he says - find a Christian guy mentor and turn his life around. Deep down inside, I wish he could change... but my head says that he will only hurt me again.
He does not see the emotional and mental damage he has caused me. I don't know what to do. I need to move on and I don't know how to. I am hoping for prayer support to see God's guidance in this matter. I know I cannot go back to my "boyfriend" because that would just be walking into another trap. Please pray for me... and also for the guy (J). That he will be able to change, not for me, but for himself. I am praying for forgiveness.. but I know I need to forgive myself as well.. Please pray that I will be able to move on and heal and get my life back in order... and that I can have a close personal relationship with God and maybe find someone who has that same closeness to God instead of always going back. Please pray that I will be rid of my insecurities, my unhappiness, emotional distress and that I can flourish in the Holy Spirit and become a strong Christian.
Thank you to all those who are willing to pray for me. - A
He called himself a Christian, but would not listen... then I found out earlier this year that he had a sexual online, but not physical, relationship with another girl for three years. He had her calling him Master and he in turned called her good girl. He had not told her he was dating but used that girl for his own benefit. The other girl and I had a chat about this and she vouched that there was nothing physical, but this was late Feb and early March. I was hurting a lot. He even denied it at first, telling me that she was crazy... eventually everything spilled out and he could not deny it anymore and came clean about it. There was another situation with a colleague of his, where he flirted with her to have her help him with work or errands and she also was not clear on the fact that he had me. It was at this point I told him I needed a break and was constantly angry because he pretty much cheated on me.
He begged me to come back, telling me that he would change, that he wanted to go back to the right path. He said a lot of things, and like a fool, I believed him. I thought he really would change. And again, he just ignored my requests to stop touching me and to wait. He would not change.. things went on until recently when I discovered that he had written love letters to another girl... passionate emails that told her how much he loved her and couldn't stop thinking about her and how much he missed her. This had started shortly after I found out about the online relationship in March. His feelings were declined because this girl had boyfriend and told him to back off, but it didn't stop him from paying her compliments and telling her that he would always be there for her. I never even get compliments. Another betrayal... how stupid I was.
Now he says that he realizes how wrong he was. That he will definitely change and that it won't happen again. Of course I don't believe him. He said he will seek help to change his life around. I told him I deserved better and he agreed, but said that he wanted to change so he could be better. Deep down inside I want to believe him, and wish that he really is listening to God and hearing what He is telling him to do. I really wish he would do what he says - find a Christian guy mentor and turn his life around. Deep down inside, I wish he could change... but my head says that he will only hurt me again.
He does not see the emotional and mental damage he has caused me. I don't know what to do. I need to move on and I don't know how to. I am hoping for prayer support to see God's guidance in this matter. I know I cannot go back to my "boyfriend" because that would just be walking into another trap. Please pray for me... and also for the guy (J). That he will be able to change, not for me, but for himself. I am praying for forgiveness.. but I know I need to forgive myself as well.. Please pray that I will be able to move on and heal and get my life back in order... and that I can have a close personal relationship with God and maybe find someone who has that same closeness to God instead of always going back. Please pray that I will be rid of my insecurities, my unhappiness, emotional distress and that I can flourish in the Holy Spirit and become a strong Christian.
Thank you to all those who are willing to pray for me. - A
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