I would like to express that it is not my fault for adopting a fatalistic outlook on life. Despite my earnest efforts to improve my circumstances, seek out opportunities, and initiate various projects, I consistently find myself facing financial losses and disappointment. Throughout my life, I have encountered a series of failures, and when such setbacks persist, I often feel disheartened and reluctant to continue. It seems that I have not received any reprieve from the challenges I face, leading to a profound sense of exhaustion from my endeavors. The vitality I once possessed in my youth has diminished significantly over the years. After 25 years filled with disappointments and setbacks, I have come to believe that life rarely offers positive experiences, as my relentless attempts to enhance my situation ultimately leave me drained and without energy. I do not wish for God to provide me with handouts, as many Christians may do. I refuse to remain idle and wait for a miracle; instead, I actively seek out opportunities. While I do pray to God before job interviews and when embarking on new projects, this does not alter my circumstances. I have diligently searched for employment for six months, resulting in a loss of nearly 20 pounds, and I am now anemic and lack certain vitamins. This earthly existence is incredibly exhausting. I often feel as though I am an elderly person in need of retirement, as I am perpetually fatigued and drowsy. Life does not seem to offer any rewards.