Anonymous
Beloved of All
Appreciate prayers again, for healing from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, panic attacks that I have been living with for many years, anxiety disorders, emotional abuse, psychological and verbal abuse from parents and people in authority. I have also been self sabotaging, acting out and self harming. My panic attacks and anxiety disorders have been so bad, I am numb and I do not feel, but my body as taken the effect, I want to have my appetite back, my joy of eating, my joy of working, joy of doing, simply joys to return, to stop living under the cloud of abuse that my mother allows and her severe neglect and how she constantly does not allow me to stand up for myself and makes me compromise to be allowed to be abused by my father. Parents are sick mentally and I am tired and feeling severely incapacitated by their reinforcement of abuse and shouting, manipulation, outright hurtful behaviour and keeping me underfoot. Please pray for me, I am afraid of catching covid because my mother uses physical violence to get angry at me when I tell her to wash her hands and when her hygiene is not all together there, she says I'm fussy, sensitive etc... and I also have severe ocd from it, I cannot touch anything in the house because my father coughs in my face, sneezes and is not clean as well and doesn't care for hygiene. I am unable to feel comfortable at home. I ask for prayers not advice on moving out, (If I could wouldn't I already have? Haven't I tried all I know to? So please don't judge, I have always had to explain to people and I'm tired of that and for subtle accusation that it's my fault for not leaving the environment) me for living with my parents. They have also used force to take money from me, please pray for me to heal from these fearful and traumatic encounters that still torment me. My father has also looked at me inappropriately, my grandfather has said inappropriate things to me too which I am unable to tell family because they themselves have proven themselves to be unsafe and harmful to me. Also appreciate prayers for healing from sister who always mocked and made fun of me and who still behaves in ways where I'm afraid to speak up to her even though she is being manipulative. Please pray for provision and for people to surround me who will hear me, even in church I am thoroughly afraid of people who try to be weird and strange, and who also have unpleasant motives. Please help me to stay away from them and to find safe people who can hold space for me and who can hear me without judgement. Please also pray that I will be able to overcome the fear of man, and the fear of leaving my house from panic and fear of catching covid - could be because of people at home who do not care which makes me feel even more stressed when I go out because I'm not sure who is contagious - (since my health is not it the best place) - and people aren't all responsible and I do not want to catch it because of their irresponsibility. Thank you for praying. I really am unable to think straight from all the panic writing this for fear even of people thinking I am too much or not forgiving, or not following God enough, or not being spiritual enough, blaming me for not leaving etc... I appreciate prayers for healing, accurate assessment of reality, mental clarity, wisdom in making decisions, being aware and to have strength, to not be dragged down to the unhealthy behaviours of family and heal me and people I talk to in church who I have been oversharing to. People in church wish to push their own ideas and who do not hear but simply want to push a way of healing that worked for them or seemed right to them.
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