Jesussaves89
Beloved of All
asking for prayers. I really need some help. I've been caring for my grandma for ### years who has been bedridden for most of the time with a mother who has Asperger syndrome. I am ### years old and every single day of my entire life revolves around my mother's requests. I don't feel like a human being. I feel like I want to die every day, every second, every minute of the day. I have begged to please deliver me. But He keeps saying this is His will. I am so sad. I am in a foreign country. I have no money. I have poor health. I have nothing, no one. I feel so alone. Every single day is a nightmare. All I ask the Lord is to please please give me a dwelling place without my mother in it. I can handle her mean comments; I don't want to be at her beck and call. I would rather die. I don't have any freedom. I also have corona phobia. I have no friends, no family, no one who cares. I don't know how to help myself. I don't know why I have to have such horrible illness. I see no love, no hope, nothing in my life. I feel so weak. Is there any hope for me? Also, I have a deformed jaw. All I feel is condemnation. No one cares, no one is nice to me. Why do I have to be alive? I just don't want to do this anymore. Where is the kind caring Jesus? Where is He? Why doesn't He care? Why doesn't anyone ever care? What do you do if you're broken and a slave? What do you do if you haven't heard a good word in years? What if no one has even looked at you, literally looked at me in years? What do you do? Where do you go? Why care? I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be strong. I want God. I want someone to care. I don't want to suffer anymore. I wish I could just get help. Please, is there any help? Why doesn't anyone ever care? I'm so tired of serving and serving and serving and never any hope, never any help, nothing in sight except slavery. I just wish I was never born.