Graspogel
Disciple of Prayer
A lot of times I don’t know how I will feel God, how I talk to him sometimes, how I know if he is there, how I know if he forgives me or not. I am a pick me girl, I am a jealous type, I am ungrateful at times, I am wishing I was prettier, I am wishing I had someone else’s rich life, I am wishing I had what someone has, my heart aches most times at some moment, I am still living with this person that makes me drain, I am permanently damage, I have lied, I had cheat, I have steal, I think I have commit adultery on accident like dated guys online who lied to me and know they had a girlfriend already, I have been disobedient a lot of times, Its hard for me to cry and I want to get it out right away a lot of times, I have so much greed, I am vain sometimes, I am not perfect, I am not the same like everyone else, all I wanted to do is fit in but all I do is make the worst by backstabbing people who were there for me like a friend, I copy how insecure girls with makeup dress, I am fake and two faced, I had dated girls, I had participate in un natural things, I have s*xted, I have watch p0rn once, I have been questioning god through hard times sometimes, I think god told my mom if she dont leave my father she will become like him people like us dont listen to god because we think we know it all and I want to overcome anything bad what I have like know my sense of direction, not my feelings be easily hurt, not getting excited a lot but just be calm and humble, not leaving god when I have some peace moments, not wanting to committing s**cide, not feeling s*x*lly weird around males, anything I have like social anxieties, I love to keep my shyness but I also want to stand up for myself respectfully and with god by my side all the time, I know what I done will effect me everyday and maybe the future but all I want to know is what is my true happiness I am 18 years old and I’m turning 19 next month on march 9 all I think about is wanting a boyfriend and friends so young were I could focus on study and other regular things more and waited I have no patience and all I do is rush I really wish I wasn’t like that I am also stubborn and broken I have been depressed since the age of 9 and again i dont feel safe and happy but I am trying to be peaceful as possible all I wish for is peace, no hunger, no pain, no nothing one day, my brother has type 1 diabetes and I want him to eat 3 meals and well everyday and my sister has autism and I want her not be look at to be used for money checks and have someone who is like god to talk to and my other sister I want satan to get out of her where she dont have to worry about making wrong friends if she is and social media and inappropriate things like n0des pics as well same as p0rn I think anyways I want the best for everyone and I really wish theres something I can do but seems like more people committing crime, su*cide, and other bad things I wish god take control of all of us and save the souls from down there anyways I think that's all i want to say i wanted to just admit my sins because I feel guilty as always and I still miss him but I am selfish and numb as h**l too I love michael jackson but I just want to be obsessed with god nothing else anyways all I’m asking for is peace and true happiness for everybody that’s all I miss having a home, seeing people helping each other for real, smelling cook food outside, looking at beautiful clouds/mountains/sun any nature, i love old musics, I want to listen to gospel often than regular music, satan is attacking me and everyone because he’s jealous just like he killed hannah stone in 2017 at the age just 16 and she got r0pe before that and that person that r0pe her should be ashamed, anything bad hope that goes away anyways peace and blessings to everyone and hoping everyone put self love first because its not possible if we don't work on our self love first. :/