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Hilasmeira
Humble Servant of All
A few months ago, I went through a period of extreme legalism. I was fasting and praying but I was doing it in a way that was very unhealthy. I also was harboring a lot of unforgiveness, bitterness and anger in my heart. I believe that I opened up some very dangerous doors by fasting in the way that I was because I was not actually fasting glorify Jesus. I was fasting, many times, to appease the rituals that I had made up for myself to "protect" myself against the enemy and against a lot of the conflicts that were present in my life. I was coming out of a period of being involved in witchcraft and the occult and I was very afraid. I was experiencing a lot of spiritual attacks and I was fasting to keep myself protected from these things but it was not being done in a way that was glorifying to God. I was also going through a lot of relationship problems. I was experiencing a lot of conflicts in the relationships in my life. I decided to pray with someone that specialized in "narcissistic abuse". As I prayed with this person, I believed that what they were telling me was being sent by the Holy Spirit. But a lot of their beliefs were legalistic and in direct conflict with many of the things that Jesus taught. I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, that was really a spirit-filled conversation". But after the prayer was over, although many of the things that I was praying with this person about were solved, I began to experience this strange metallic taste in my mouth. At first, it was very light but it began to become stronger and stronger. After a while, I started to notice that the stronger this taste in my mouth became, the more I was being attacked by random people. These people would come up to me in a very abrupt way and they would begin attacking me. Sometimes these attacks were verbal. Sometimes they were just physical things being done in a very intimidating way. These things never caused me any physical harm but the emotional and mental wounds that they created were very apparent. When these attacks came, it was very clear to me that I was being attacked by the enemy but I did not understand what I had done (other than the time that I spent being involved in witchcraft) to cause these things to happen. I started to pray to God for answers about why this was happening because I was being tormented by what I was experiencing. In all of the confusion confusion I was going through, God was kind enough to point me directly to the verse in the Bible where Jesus speaks about blaspheming against the Holy Spirit and how this sin will never be forgiven. I am not sure what happened when I prayed with this person. Nothing about this prayer seemed strange to me. Everything seemed fine. In fact, it seemed like many of the things that I was thinking during that time were being confirmed by this person. I really do not hold any bad feelings in my heart toward that person. I am still struggling to understand what exactly happened. But I am certain, based on the verse that God directed me to, that in some way, shape or form, I blasphemed against the Holy Spirit. I love the Lord so much. I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with Him. He has saved me from so many things and i have given my life back to Him. Please pray for me. I feel like my mind is split into two parts. I am constantly experiencing mental hallucinations. I am constantly experiencing hallucinations related to other people. I have been set free from all witchcraft, occult and new age practices but there still feels as if there is a door open that will not close. This open door makes everything feel as if it is getting worse and not better. Please pray that God would guide me into the steps that I need to take to be completely healed.
