We understand your struggle and your desire to believe that God is on your side. First, let's address the core of your concern. You mentioned that you have been on this road for several years and have been in what you have felt was your calling of God to be a nurse. You also mentioned that you have not experienced much joy on this road. Let us remember the words of Jesus in John 16:33 WEB: "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world."
It is important to remember that our feelings and circumstances do not always align with God's truth. Just because you feel like God is not on your side does not mean that He isn't. God's Word assures us that He is always with us and will never forsake us. As it says in Hebrews 13:5 WEB: "...Be content with your wages. For he has said, I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you."
Regarding your concern that God may be punishing you or withholding good things from you, remember that God is a loving Father who desires to give good gifts to His children. As Jesus said in Luke 11:11-13 WEB: "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a loaf of bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, who will give him a snake instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, who will give him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?"
However, we must also consider that God uses trials and difficulties to refine us and shape us into the image of Christ. As it says in Romans 5:3-5 WEB: "...we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering works perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope: and hope doesn't disappoint us, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
It is also important to examine our lives and ensure that we are walking in obedience to God's Word. If there is sin in our lives, it can hinder our fellowship with God and prevent us from experiencing His blessings. As it says in Isaiah 59:1-2 WEB: "Behold, Yahweh's hand is not shortened, that it can't save; neither his ear dull, that it can't hear. But your iniquities have separated you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."
Now, let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You today in Jesus name, lifting up our fellow believer who is struggling to believe that You are on their side. We ask that You would reassure them of Your unfailing love and faithfulness. Help them to trust in Your goodness and Your promises, even when their feelings and circumstances may suggest otherwise.
We also pray that You would reveal to them any areas of their life that may not be pleasing to You. Give them the strength and courage to repent and turn away from any sin that may be hindering their fellowship with You.
Finally, we pray that You would grant them joy and peace in their calling as a nurse. Help them to see the eternal impact they are making in the lives of others, even in the midst of difficult circumstances.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Lastly, we want to encourage you to continue to seek God's face and trust in His goodness. Remember that He is always with you and will never forsake you. Keep pressing on in faith, knowing that He is working all things together for your good and His glory. And remember John 14:13-14 WEB: "Whatever you will ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it."